A new "season"

(Some of the friends currently visiting)

I've been wanting to post about my "new season" of current life for a little while, but it makes me nervous. I get uncomfortable talking about this. But after the message from our pastor this past Sunday, I felt it was time. The message was about going fishing, and what happens if we just "live." Pastor Jeff had a bullet point on the handout, and challenged each of us to fill in our stories. It was pretty much , life before, your coming, and life after. Before, coming to , and after Christ that is. It was a good motivator to work on your testimony, and moving ,to see a few just sit and write nothing. That's when he said, "what if you have no story?" I was so moved, knowing that my story just took meaning a few months ago.




I was raised by believers, mom, as long as we could remember taking us to church. Our step-dad, whom she married when I was 4, was a baptist minister. We went to church every time the doors were open, it was our way of life. When I was 8, a series of events took place, in which I was being taught about asking Christ into my life. There were things going on, a little to person, that set fear into me. And I reacted, out of fear.




Fast forward teenage years, I rebelled. I remember wanting to do things that I knew were going to hurt people. Seeking out these things...maybe trying to cause others to feel the pain I felt so deep.




Fast forward a little more, I began to feel real conviction somewhere around 15 or 16. But I refused to give in. I was very prideful and refused to make a fool of myself. Thus began the struggle. Every decision I made was to save myself embarrassment of some kind. I acted only what I was taught and expected to do, all the while having my own personal battle inside. Thinking things like, this is the biggest crap, there is no way the Bible is truth. My draw to science only made it harder. As one person said, "What so you mean, How can you believe in a god...you believe science, its what your made of." I hit hard.



The next 9 years, spiritually, were pure hell. I backed out on church for a while, started to dodge the guilt others were putting on me. I either cried during every service or left full of anger. I gave up and turned to myself for my own god and keeper of my soul.



I went to church one Sunday night, first of January 2010. I only went because Bro Dave was going to be discussing Roe vs Wade, and the March for Life. I enjoy Dave's talks to much because he enjoys history and science. He likes to do his research and prove points. The entire hour I was very informative. Not your typical church discussion like this. We read some versus toward the end and I felt my walls collapse!



Jeremiah 1:4-5 "Before I formed you ;in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..."



Job 12:10 "In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind."



Psalms 139: 13-16 "For you created my inmost being, you knot me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was make in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of the came to be."



The invitation started, we sang Just as I am. Let me add here, We had left Amelia in the nursery, which I hated doing. We get pagers at our church, so they can get you if they need anything. I was meticulous in writing exact info for her, she is the baby after all. They had been paging me for a while, but I didn't know, I had inverted the numbers, which I triple check.



During the invitation, my legs went weak, my mind shut off the relentless dread, and my heart took over like nothing before. I went down and professed my faith, and my mistakes though all these years. After it was all said, I began shaking with fear because I realized I was standing in the front of out church( which is huge) and didn't even realized I had walked all the way down the isle.



Lynn, the womens minister at our church came forward to talk with me. She is the ONLY person I had been feeling lead to go. Don't know why, but my heart had been telling me to call her. If this was not God working, then I don't know what is.



The biggest fear was telling my family, which turned out alright and I was baptized the following Sunday.


Since, I have such a peace. I read scriptures and understand. I sing praise songs from the heart, even though I still hold back a little...must be that missionary baptist raisin'


I'm so thankful for my salvation.